IT ISN'T OKAY

Today I listened to a mother talk about her thirteen year old son and the way he'd tormented a new student at his school. The teacher called him on his behavior and told the boy he needed to apologize. The young lady said, "It's okay, I've been made fun of since the second grade."

I'm here to tell you. It isn't okay. As a slightly older person, I've listened to my children and to my grandchildren (0kay, so I started having kids when I was two), talk about their classmates and friends. I've sat all of them down at one time or another and had a serious talk with them about how they speak of these people, behind their backs and to their faces. It isn't okay to make fun and ridicule them. Unfortunately, children can be very, very cruel. As can many adults.

As parents, teachers, counselors, and mentors to the young people of our world, we must work together to help them understand that words do hurt. They leave a lasting mark upon another child's self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. As adults we must learn that our words impact their impressionable behavior too.

Growing up, we were taught not to fight back, to turn the other cheek when someone teased, called us names, or bullied us. My parents always told me this one: "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Sorry, they lied. Words do hurt, and they will continue to hurt as long as we allow people to treat others with hate-filled, harmful thoughts, words and treatment.

I'm not saying to go out and punch someone in the nose. But to tell the one who caused you the hurt that "it's okay", doesn't cut it. It's time to stand up for yourself and let them know that you are smart, fun to be with, and loyal to your friends.

Perhaps if I'd learned to be honest when someone did or said something to me that caused me harm, my self-esteem wouldn't have ended up in the gutter, taking me a number of years to work up the courage to allow myself to believe that I didn't deserve to be treated in such a way that I allowed myself to feel stupid, unloveable, and a freak. Perhaps if I'd been taught how to let the hurt and anger go, I wouldn't have felt so terrible about myself.

Children are so impressionable. They believe what they are told by their peers, teachers, parents and anyone else that comes along. It is up to us to help all children develop a healthy love and respect for themselves, so that these words don't hurt. As an adult, I have the knowledge and the capability to not allow one persons actions or words to hurt and bring me down. But a child does not have the knowledge that they can choose to let it hurt them, or to let the hurt go, unless we help them understand that they are beautiful, special people, and the one causing them the hurt is missing out on a chance to know them. They have to be taught how to let the hurt go, not just told to let it go.

I've watched many parents treat their children in the same manner, calling them names, telling them they are stupid, stifling their need to grow and learn by talking about their experiences. Instead of helping them, allowing them to grow into healthy, loveable, respectable young people. Isn't it time that we allow the next generation, the next future to stand up and say "It's not okay that you treat me this way. It's hurtful and hateful. I'm a beautiful person and someday you'll want to know me."

I can guarantee the one causing the hurt, be it an adult or a child would not want someone else to cause them that pain. This pain may cause anger; it may cause violence.

For each "it's okay that you hurt me", a little piece of self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-worth breaks off and falls away. For each "it's okay that you are mean and cruel to me", one more piece of anger is added to that wall that's being built to protect their heart.

Have you ever met someone who is angry all of the time? Perhaps you have a bully that lives down the street? Someone who is constantly screaming and yelling at their children? Have you stopped to judge them about their attitude? Have you ever wondered what makes them so angry?

A smile, a warm hello, "how are you, you look wonderful today", may make a little piece of that anger melt away. A hug and kiss to a hurt child, along with a "I love you. You're so smart." can take away the sting of words from a classmate or neighbor. Quality time, loving words, a hug, can brighten anyone's day. A cup of hot chocolate doesn't hurt either.

So from me to you, my friends. I love you. Go make yourself a cup of hot chocolate and give yourself a big hug. You are a special, important person in my world and without you, it would be a sadder place.

Namaste,

Sue