As many of you know I'm working on my master's degree in Holistic Healing. My core classes are all religious studies. The class I'm taking right now is on Spirituality, and the book I'm reading is on Soul Recovery.
As I'm reading and absorbing this information on how to recover my Authentic Self - the Self I was sent into this life with, the Self I had before I donned the masks and costumes that everyone expected me to wear in order to conform to their expectations, I started thinking. This in itself isn't a miracle, I tend to think way too much any way.
I drifted back through my life and tried to remember a time when I was really happy. I mean, down to the tips of your toes happy about everything in your life. I couldn't. I honestly can't remember a time where I was truly happy since I was a small child. I had moments as a child, especially when I was with my cousin, Mike. I could be easy and free. I didn't have to worry about not living up to some sort of standard or expectation from him. No worries about being called names, or being ashamed of where I came from. It was all good.
I want to let that joy and happiness back into my life. That carefree wonder, the attitude that you don't have to worry about living up to anyone else's standards but your own. You can just be.
This made me start questioning how we are to teach our children to remain their own authentic self, yet still abide and live by society's rules and regulations. Children watch their parents as they react to different situations. We all have facial expressions that we carry when we talk about certain things; things that may disgust or anger us. We do not realize that at times we wear those same facial expressions when we look at, or say something about (ie,) what our child may be wearing. Children associate their behavior with the actions and expressions of their parents, teachers, or others that they look upon for guidance. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the child may then think that they are thought of as a disgusting person.
How do they react to this? They don that mask and costume that they believe you want them to wear. Or their behavior changes. Then something else happens, another expression, another comment, the child dons another mask and costume to become another character that their teachers expect them to be. Eventually, the authentic self is lost amongst all the masks and costumes. And we start to ask "Who am I? Why can't I please my mom, dad, or teacher? I'm being who they want me to be? I'm really, really trying, but I can't get seem to get it right."
As a parent and grandparent, how do we change this? How do we go about teaching our children to be true to themselves, but yet still behave within the guidelines of society's rules? I still question who I am, who my authentic self is. This is a journey that I'm traveling on, to find the truth of it. Maybe along the way I will come up with the answers to the questions that I am asking.
In today's society we are so busy with our daily routines, running here and there, focusing on our jobs and everything else that needs to get done in order for our days to run smoothly, how often do we sit down with our children and encourage them to pursue the things that interest them? Do we push them to do activities that we were good at when we were children, so therefore, it's in the best interest of our child to do the same activities? How often do we actually sit and listen to our child even if it is an argument, or do we say "I don't want to hear it."? Or "children should be seen and not heard"? This was a favorite one in my family.
To me, this meant I wasn't important enough to say what I thought, or perhaps I was too stupid to have an opinion. Is that the message we want to give our children? How many years does someone have to work through this issue in order to figure out that what they have to say is important, that they are important.
I would like to get your opinion on this? How and what do we need to do as a society, to help our children remain true to their authentic self, instead of donning masks and costumes, yet abide by the rules mandated by our society?
